Protect, Serve and Break Laws?

First off, let me just say that I’m a big fan of the job Police Officers are supposed to be doing.  They are here to keep the peace and help citizens in need  -Though they seem to have turned their backs to most of that in favor of their primary focus:  Law Enforcement.

"How's my hair?"

Police officers are supposed to be the leaders of the community.  Role models.  The people we look to for guidance.  You get the picture.

So it really pisses me off when all I see recently is Police breaking the very laws they are sworn to uphold and protect.  The fact that the laws they’re breaking are simple traffic laws doesn’t matter.  They are supposed to be upholding the very rules they’re breaking.  It’s not just the speeding or the talking on cell phones while driving, it’s not using blinkers, not using seat belts, parking wherever and however the fuck they want to, turning on red at a no turn on red light, etc…

Fuck you I park where I want.

I just don’t understand it.  Do they think that once they strap on that suit and get permission to drive one of those cars that they are suddenly above the law?

This is my 'O' face. Take that criminal!

Now, I’m not saying that some of the law’s aren’t stupid.  In fact, I’m not a big fan of laws made to protect stupid people.  If someone wants to not wear a seatbelt it should be their decision not to.  The same with motorcycle helmets.  If they die, one less stupid person- Why make a law about it?  But I digress…

The cell phone law scares me because what is next?  No doing anything but driving in a car because anything else is taking your mind off of the drive.  Will we have anti radio laws next?  No talking to the person in the passenger seat, it ruins your driving focus.  Do people not feel the grip of the laws squeezing tighter?  We are gaining the illusion of safety and all we need to give up for it is our freedom.  It’s just a tiny thing after all.  And hell, the illusion is still there and that’s really what matters, isn’t it?  Well all of you fuckers certainly act like it is.

My freedom looks like a white rabbit! Should I follow it down the hole?

Don’t even get me started on the traffic cameras.

What, I'm constitutional. You all just TL;DR that document anyway right? So how do you know?

I said Law Enforcement earlier, but really, why do they give out tickets?  Why do they try to find new and exciting ways to hide their cars and “catch citizens in the act” of law breaking?  Why do they have quotas to fill?

Because they have become tax collectors.  Well, maybe that’s a bit harsh.

Whoever heard of law enforcement collecting taxes from the people? ...Oh.

The thing is, they need to make their time profitable.  They aren’t hired to serve and protect, they’re hired to make money for the state.  And wow do they.  State patrols collected somewhere in the neighborhood of $2.3 Billion dollars in 2003, and the cost of tickets have only gone up since then.

This is not the post I meant to write.  It started off because today, like many days there was a police car in front of me while i was driving.  He didn’t start out in front of me, he merged in front of me so he could hurry up and get off onto the beltway exit.  Did he use a blinker?  No.  Was he speeding?  Yes.  Is that legal?  No.  Will he get in trouble for it?  No.  Is that fair?

What do I want to see?  Regular citizens can’t give out traffic tickets to cops, though I wish we could.  How about the members of the police force who hate hypocrites do something about it?  If you see one of your fellow officers breaking the law, pull them over.  Give them a ticket.  Go to court when they show up to argue it.  (It will probably go a lot like this the first few times.)

Don’t get me wrong.  I am a big fan of the police.  I am not a big fan of hypocrisy.  I’m not perfect.  I break laws accidentally from time to time.  I speed on occasion.  I’ve forgotten to use a blinker once or twice.  The issue is not about the one-offs.  If this is just some strange crazy coincidence where the police I see are accidentally  messing up that one off time, then I apologize.  What is more likely, is that this is a serious issue that gets glossed over because, “Oh, they’re cops, they can do what they want.”

Why is this how people have come to think?  Why shouldn’t we expect the police officers who  enforce our laws to follow them as well?  Does it matter that the laws they’re breaking are small?  How small is small enough?  Is it ok to make that distinction?

What do you think?


This person is wrong.

Saint or Sinner follow up

So yeah,  I sent the link to “her.”  I was going to make it like a normal post but I wanted to get it out to you guys to read and I’ve been procrastinating so here’s the story told as basically and as accurately as it gets:

Me:  Would you say you’re someone with a sense of humor or do you get angry easily?

Her:  Lol o lord why?

Me:  Basically, can you take a joke?

Her:  Yup


Her:  Lol what the hell is that

Me:  Read it when you get a chance.

Her:  Lol i read it i liked it but what is it for im confused lol

Me:  You read the sinner or saint post?

Her:  Yea i skimmed it lol

Me:  You should show it to a bunch of your friends and tell me what they think about it.  It’s my blog.

Her:  Lol ok so wait you did kno it was me at first

Her:  Didn’t*

Me:  That must have been a hell of a skim

Her:  Lol it was !

Her:  Im so confused damn it lol im a blonde

Me:  How old are you?

Omg whyyy?  Are u gonna blog about it lls jk im 25

Me:  Just curious.

Me:  You seriously should actually read that post.

Her:  Your askin me alot of questions is this my t or an imposter ?lol

Me:  Imposter

Her:  Great just great

Her:  So who am i talkin to

Me:  Just a random wrong number

Me:  Nice to actually meet you.

Her:  Lol name please

Me:  Actually I don’t know your name.  For a while I wasn’t sure if you were t or if you were calling me t.

Me:  Anyway, I just wanted to show you the post.  Nothing malicious intended.  it was nice talking to you.  Have a nice life.

Her:  Lol its all good i had a nice laugh

Me:  Good.  I hoped you would.

When I told some of my friends about the conversation they pointed out a very important fact I missed:  Did she end up going over there?  Did “t” get the bootie call?  It was too late to text her again that night so I waited impatiently until lunchtime the next day…

Me:  I’m sorry to bother you again.  I just had one question I was hoping you would answer for me.  My readers would love to know if you went to t’s house that night.

Her:  Lmao t is my best friend and some how ur # is linked to her facebook page in my phone ..but to spice it up yes i went nd it was great

Me:  Sweet!


A leech and a vampire.

How would a wounded wolf mother protect her pup?  It’s nature, not a threat.

–So you were in a bad situation and needed a way out.   You happened to have a great friend who was willing to give you a place to live pretty much no questions asked.  You moved in and were grateful for, oh, lets say about three months.  Three to six months.  Then that grateful feeling began to give way to another:  entitlement.

You felt you deserved to have this other person take care of you since you’d had it so bad where you were.  Entitlement soon gave way to nonchalance and then a devious thought entered your brain…  “I owe this person lots and lots of money for basically taking care of me for this whole time BUT if we were dating then it would just be them taking care of a significant other.  The debt would be erased.”  Unfortunately for you and fortunately for our friend, they do not want to be with you.

Here is where we enter the crazy bit and where we have stayed for a while now.

Now you’ve got a new job, a new place and things seem to be going well.  You’re living like a kid, spending your paycheck on the next newest shiny thing.  Occasionally you’ll get something for your benefactor and say something like:  “I got this for you because you’re such a good friend to me.”

How fucking disrespectful.  Do you even know what friend means?

Have you even noticed how depressed you’re making them?  Do you even care?  Maybe you can’t see it but you’re sucking the life out of your savior.  We can see it.  You’re making a lot of people uncomfortable.  Have you noticed you don’t get invites to things anymore?  Have you noticed no one seems glad to see you much?  It’s not because we hate you it’s because we hate how you’re treating our friend.

Perhaps you don’t see it.  Perhaps you are so used to being passive aggressive that you don’t realize how damaging you are.  I used to be like that so I know how badly skewed looking at the world through your own eyes can make things.  For all your asinine talk of being sensitive, how can you not see what you’re doing?

You keep getting money and burning it like so much kindling.  Have you even begun to pay back what you owe?  Have you even spoken about it?  I know your benefactor wont bring it up.  Generosity (as much a vice as a virtue) is within them and your host will never be anywhere near as domineering as you.  Confrontation is not a strong suit for our friend.  Those of us who count your savior as our near and very dear friends are watching with growing distaste.  You are draining emotionally and financially and you just don’t seem to care.  Does it fall on those generous shoulders to take you everywhere you need to go?  To get you from wherever you are?  To deal with all of your crazy baggage?  All of your crazy shit?  Yes, we can all see that you are doing it mainly for attention.  Everyone but you it seems.  Can you take a step back from yourself and see how ignorant and juvenile you’re being?  Do you see it now?  Do you just not care?

We counted you among our friends once.  Our Norse hospitality would still grant you shelter in our home if you ever needed it.  You would still be granted every courtesy.  –but you are seriously damaging any chance you have of a continued friendship if you do not change how you’re acting.

We are a clan made up of friends and family and friends who’ve become family.  Think of a wolf pack or a village of vikings.  Think of the slavering fangs and the bloodied axes.  Think of the swords and the noise and the pain.  Think about how a member of the pack would be defended.  Think about how they would be protected from as much harm as possible.  Your benefactor is as much a sibling to me as my own flesh and blood.  A member of our clan.  Our pack.  Our family.  I can be level headed and see through the red and black curtains of rage.  I’ve dealt with rage for so long that it has become a warm friend.  I can think around it and perhaps better sometimes because of it.

Think about how the one you are damaging is our family.  Think about the safe haven we try to surround our people with.  Think about how you used to be included in that haven.  Think about how I feel about what you’re doing and know that my wrath is nothing compared to the wrath of my mate and the rest of my clan.   Now think about making good on your debts (monetary and emotional) to the one you call ‘friend.’

You make me sick right now.

Sinner or Saint?

*Warning:  This post contains horrible grammar and terrible spelling.  It was intentional and yes it hurt me with every word written.

First off, sorry It’s been so long between posts.  Putting walls into a house is tedious work.  Once we’re settled I’ll get back into regular postings.  I have a bunch of drafts started, just have to finish/edit things.

Anyway, to the story:

Today, like many other days, I got a text from someone.  At first I wasn’t sure who… I’ll just show you:

Text from her:  Hey hunni i miss u

Ok, there are a select few people in this world who can call me hunni and tell me they miss me without my wife raging into a frothing frenzy of tooth and nail.  The thing is, there was no name attached to the text.  I was confused so I had to find out what was…

Text from me:  Who is this?

(From now on, assume that there is an invisible “Text from ”  In front of Her and Me)

Her:  Lol its your fav white girl t get it together

At this point I only have one question:  Is her name “t” or is that supposed to be my name?  So I did what you normally do when you realize you’ve gotten a text from someone who’s obviously put in the wrong number:  I pretended to be “t”.

MeWat u doin gurl?

I know, I know– The spelling and grammar is atrocious but I was pretending to be someone this girl knew and I assumed they probably typed the same way.  Turns out, I was right.

Her:  Workin what u doin

Me:  Bout to hit up taco bell

Seems legit.

(I just want to point out that the t-9 on my phone had to be taught how to spell “taco.”  Also, I couldn’t use t-9 for most of the conversation because it doesn’t understand terrible spelling… except for Wat.  For some reason it would spell wat.

Also, I feel bad at this point for lying to her.  I was not, in fact, going to taco bell, I was on the way to pick up my kids.  Still, I was headed to a destination so I suppose that has to count for something.

Her:  U work today

MeNaw gurl why u comin 2 see me latr

Here’s where my master plan falls into place.  I figure, if I can actually pull this off, “t” will end up getting some play out of the deal, assuming he keeps it cool and doesn’t fuck up and tell her it wasn’t him.  It also depends on her continuing to believe my texts.

At this point I'm picturing that "t" is probably a codename for Usher... Or Dumbledore.

Her:  Maybe i have to work a little late today

Me:  When u get off

Here’s where I start to worry because her responses start to take around ten minutes.  I figure either she is catching on or… right.  She’s at work.  Just to be sure I send another text.

Me:  It don matter if im in bed u can jus get in wit me

This was a tense moment.  Here’s where we find out if “t” is in or not.

Her:  Lol well ok im there im not sure what time im leavin yet

They call me Superman --leap tall hoes in a single bound...

Aww yeah!  Dude is in!  Now to seal the deal.  Chicks love it when you ask about them…

Me:  Wat u doin at work right now?

Shit!  Punctuation!  What have I done?  I ruined it.  Also, what the fuck was I thinking?  Chicks go for assholes and they don’t give a shit what girls do, they just want to know why they’re not in the kitchen.

Her:  Typin an email y

SHIT!  SHE KNOWS!  Play it cool man, play it cool.  I did the one sure thing I knew would turn it back around,  I made it about me.

Me:  Bored an eatin my chalupa hit me wit a text before u head ova so i can get a shower if i didnt yet

I wish I did have a chalupa. *drool*

I remember having to delete the apostrophe from didn’t so I wouldn’t get found out.  I also remembered my Taco Bell lie and thought the chalupa line would work well.  It was time to cross my fingers and hope she bought it.

Her:  Ok babes

Still Counts!


So, to the dude I just got a surprise booty call:  Play it cool and YOU’RE WELCOME.

To the chick who thought I was “t”:  Work your magic girl.

To everyone else:  What do you think?  Was that WRONG  or AWESOME?

Sing it with me T!

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are one of the most delicious things you can eat.  Not only that, but they are easy to make and healthy.  Two of the only foods in the world that actually slow down and reverse cell deterioration are grapes and peanuts.  No lie.  Eating a PB&J actually makes you younger.  So eating them a lot is important.  But things can go oh so wrong when you’re making them.

Let me give you a look into my brain so you don’t make mistakes:

You ever find a knife with peanut butter on it in your sink and think to yourself, “But that’s what the other piece of bread is for…”

Excess peanut butter? Better not waste it. I'll wipe it on the side reserved for jelly.

I found a knife covered in Peanut Butter in the sink this morning.  My only conclusion is that the jelly was applied first.  Thats the only reason for the knife to still have peanut butter on it.  Well that’s wrong.  Folks, there is only one right way to make a good PB&J and that is to put the peanut butter on first, wipe the excess PB on the bread you have put aside for the jelly, and then apply the jelly.

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

The jelly will slide right off of your knife and therefore you will have no mess to worry about and no wasting of deliciousness.

So get with the program.

Honesty and FILF’s

I made a decision pretty early on (right around the ball shaving post) that I would be honest in this blog; honest to a fault.  Originally I wasn’t going to tell anyone I knew that the blog was mine so who cares if I was honest, no one would know it was me.  Well that didn’t last long. but it’s alright.  I’ll be honest with you fuckers.

Shit just got real.

So let me tell you how this post is going to go:  This is going to be one of those very honest posts where I probably say too much.  Additionally, I hurt my neck/back yesterday in the yard.  What does that have to do with anything?  I hear you say.  Well, I took a muscle relaxer about five minutes ago and ibuprophen (Same as Motrin fuckahs!).  If you know anything about me personally, you probably know that I almost never take drugs.  So I am very… susceptible to their charms.  Basically I’m… I’ve typed every word over at least once.  And I’m feeling FABULOUS!!!

Right, back to honesty.  No.  Not honesty.  FILF’s.  Motherfuckin’ FILF’s.  Is the apostraphe supposed to be there?  Probably not.  Do I care right now?  Probably not.

Anyway:  You’ve all got them.  Even if you don’t let on, I know.  Sorry I’m putting this out there in the open.  But it’s time everyone just said it.  You’ll thank me later.  You have an acquaintance/friend/amigo/pal/etc… that you don’t want a relationship with, you just want to put the screws to them.  (In case you’re wondering,  I’m talking about you.  All of you beautiful fuckers that are reading this.  Unless you’re family in which case I should have told you already, don’t read this post.  But fuck it!  I don’t care.  I don’t even care that all of this is in parentheses right now.  Look:  This is longer than the paragraph it’s in.)

So this post came about because I was on facebook thinking, “Damn, I would never want to date some of these people, but I would do terrible terrible things to them.”

Oh!  This reminds me!  This shit is going to win me awards, or lose me friends…

So I have this list.  Damn, I haven’t thought about this in like, forever!  (like, a thousand firefighters!)  You know how most people have a “People I’d fuck” list right?  Well not only do I have that, but I have a “People I’d fuck and kill” list.  People I’d fuck, but then I’d immediately have to kill afterwards so I wouldn’t have to see their stupid faces ever again.  I know, I know.  Too much information I hear you screaming at the computer screen.

I don't know why we're yelling!

Well too bad.  Leave the page or keep reading.  Heh.  The list has changed over the years, but it probably still has a few names on it.  Honestly I’m too drugged right now to be able to think clearly about it.

You might be on there…

think of that…


FILFs!  Back to FILFs!  Now that we’re done with that trip down memory lane…  So you know I’m not the only one out there.  You know this girl or guy, might be annoying, might be really nice but for some reason you’d never want to involve them in more of your life than they are now.  But damn, she’s got a phat ass (back to the 90’s baby!) that you could set a drink on or a body you could bounce a quarter off of.

This annoying bar slut is totally on my list.

The problem with these people is that once you think something like that, you can’t unthink that shit.  So you’re constantly like, “Oh there’s that broad with the tappable ass.”  Every time you’re sitting in church.

Thank you Jesus, for the sweet sweet ass on that woman.

…or wherever.

You guys want me to name some names?  Yes! I hear some of you say.  No!  I hear everyone else say.  Also, I hear my brain saying no.  So fuck all you Yes people!  –Get it?

So yeah, this post is just me saying, I know you think about this shit too, even if you’d never say it out loud.

I’m going to post this now, even though I’m drugged.  I’ll read it tomorrow, but I’m going to keep whatever it says now.  Promise.